Wednesday, August 10, 2016


My pubic hairs ain't trending.
Tender Buttons ain't trending.
The bitchy phone call I just made to Slate (that's a credit card)?
Not trending.
People who buy their groceries at Family Dollar?
Not trending.
People who have never eaten Greek yogurt?
Not trending.
The plastic cowboys & Indians (Native Americans)
I drown on canvas with swirls of acrylic paint?
Not trending.
The thirty pounds I gained from stress eating at UTSA?
Not trending.
The Nutella and green tea diet?
Not trending.
The guy who sent me a Facebook message years ago
asking me to please delete the books we had collaborated on
because he was embarrassed by them?
Not trending.
The psycho bitch who has been stalking me for years
while playing Candy Crush and pretending to be
a shut in genius?
Not trending.
The animals my dad has killed in Africa
and used for interior decor in his McMansion?
Not trending.
Family members who spy on me online
and pretend to like me once or twice a year?
Not trending.
Captain Kangaroo ain't trending.
Buzz Crenshaw ain't trending.
Randy Trahan ain't trending.
Seymour, Texas ain't trending.
Bullshit Rodeo ain't trending.
Fuckerbutt Happy Time ain't trending.
Trailer trash in prison ain't trending.
Raped but dropped the charges
Not trending.
Capricorn Man Aquarius Woman.
Not trending.
Karaoke bar on South Padre Island.
Not trending.
San Antonio vice cop with a love for Oscar Wilde.
Not trending.
Allen Ginsberg's asshole.
Not trending.
Award winning potato salad recipe.
Probably trending but who has time
for mustard?

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