Tuesday, March 28, 2017

ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT

James B. Comey? This is Dear. I woke up several hours ago but I haven't eaten yet. I had this dream. I was looking good in a bikini, snorting cocaine. I love falling asleep because when I'm awake not much happens. I go to Planet Fitness sometimes but only for a few minutes. All those televisions intimidate me. I think they can see inside my soul. It's a trash heap. Burn baby burn. Burn calories. Burn basura. I'm not Ariel at all. I don't rise to any occasion but put a karaoke mic in one hand a frozen margarita in the other and damn, son. I've got bigger balls than Jose Alfredo Jimenez. James B. Comey, la vida no vale nada. Do you believe this or are you busy with a turkey sandwich and a Swedish massage? I know shit is more stressful than usual lately. Are you still in Africa? Which is worse, James B. Comey? Killing a lion then posting pictures of a big smile and a dead lion all over social media or letting a white trash talking Cheeto run One Of The Greatest Nations Ever Constructed into the fracking infused dirt? I was born a coal miner's daughter. I've got Cherokee on both sides. Amarillo by mornin' up from San Antone. Deep within my corazon lies a melody. West Virginia. Oklahoma. The Irish comes from my paternal grandmother. Cherokee and French come from my maternal grandmother. Scottish and Swiss come from my maternal grandfather. Cherokee and something else I've forgotten come from my paternal grandfather. I'm a rainbow, James B. Comey. No one believes me. I'd love to be able to say,"Bitch, I'm brown!" I'd love to be able to say,"Bitch, I'm red!" It isn't polite to say,"Bitch! I'm white!" I don't FEEL white, James B. Comey but that's a matter for my invisible analyst, Koko Loko. The truth is, Jimmy, I'm a self-loathing cracker from the North Texas sticks. No one gives a fuck about Bridgeport, Texas. Pero. But. Bullshit Rodeo continues. I'm still walking the earth. Is that rude of me? Should I stop? Should I go on, eating peaches, talking about Michelangelo, singing with the mermaids? I have really long hair. I am not about to cut it.

Love & Mrs. Baird's Fried Pies,

Misti Velvet Rainwater-Lites

(I only speak in monologues lately.)
(This is also a love letter.)
(But. Yes. ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT.)

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