Monday, August 24, 2026

FIND A BETTER COUNTRY


Back in the glorious MySpace days of 2008 I remember a cousin's husband at the time (she's on marriage #3...common in Texas) had this pithy quote on his page: 


I took umbrage. He lived in a brand-new brick house (thanks to his wealthy grandfather) and I was living on WIC and food stamps in a tiny trashy rent house I called The Crack Whore Shack in Nederland, Texas with my infant son and his father, my second husband. I remember thinking, "I would LEAVE if I COULD. Asshole."

I don't like The United States of America, the country of my birth. I don't like Texas, the state of my birth. I finally left at the age of 53. I live on this island in the Caribbean. I've been here with my fiance (Davidsince May. We still haven't been to Secret Beach but we aren't really beach people. We don't drink. We don't get stoned. We're boring as hell with our weights and resistance bands and yoga mat. We write books and fuck each other and take pictures of palm trees and iguanas and the moon.

There's no Walmart or McDonald's or Taco Bell or Ross Dress For Less on this island. How do I cope? Oh, the usual...eating JIF Extra Crunchy from the jar, watching "Cheaters" in bed with my man, reading the PDF of his novel until I sob.


p.S. in a recent dream I purchased a FIFTH AVENUE candy bar, something I haven't done in many moons

 

Saturday, August 22, 2026

BEST BOOK EVER PUBLISHED


It's subjective, of course, and I'm biased, but the best book ever published is not THE KING JAMES BIBLE or The Grapes of Wrath or The Great Gatsby or Sweet Valley High #1: DOUBLE LOVE. No ma'am. No sir. The best book ever published is RETARD PENIS. Here is an excerpt:

I was sitting in a booth at the McDonald’s on Fredericksburg Road slurping melted ice cream when Debbie began bombarding me with text messages. I didn’t have time for her bullshit so I turned off my piece of shit Samsung Galaxy and soaked in the bliss of the moment, slurping melted vanilla ice cream looking out the window at the Tower of The Americas hazy in the distance. Sometimes I love living in this city. I donated plasma three days ago so I can afford this treat.

Debbie writes poems about me, says she’s in love, but I just enjoy fucking her on occasion with my basic American five inch cock. I don’t delude myself. The best I can hope for is a mediocre sex life with a bat shit crazy poet covered in ugly tattoos and the occasional McDonald’s or Dairy Queen or Sonic treat. I work as a cashier at the Five Below on the upper level of Wonderland. I’ve never taken an IQ test but I’m probably a few points above retarded. Not severely retarded. Functioning retarded, like most Texan Americans.


(title of the piece is DUMPING DEBBIE)


 

EAT some caKe


David drives me crazy.
I love the maniac.
He's a brilliant motherfucker with a big cocK.


This is not a haiKu.

 

Friday, August 21, 2026

swooncaKe aesthetic


Not everyone is special. Not everyone is worthy of attention, publicity, wealth, health, divine revelations, favor. I did not make the rules, I only abide by them. If something isn't special I do not share it. That was not always the case. Lately I've been dedicated to the culling process. I've been deleting old photographs, blog posts, videos and playlists. God (according to David GOD does not exist but I remain a believer) has instructed me and I have obeyed. We don't all get a seat at the table. We can't all be Kim Kardashian. We can't all be Taylor Swift. We can't all be Sharon Osbourne. We can't all be Anais Nin. We can't all be Erica Jong. I could puke from now until the day I die looking around at those who are favored, celebrated, lauded, rewarded. Last night I watched a favorite film of mine, "Coal Miner's Daughter." David was amused and disgusted. He doesn't get it. Not everyone thinks Loretta Lynn was a great or even good singer. Not everyone is mesmerized by Sissy Spacek's portrayal of Loretta Lynn. Not everyone worships at the altar of Elvis. Not everyone thinks RETARD PENIS should be purchased, read, reviewed. 

It's lonely (quite) at my table. I am seated at the kiddie table. I'm too ridiculous and rude to be welcome at The Grown-Up Table where the gossip ranges from Billy Bob's latest Home Depot haul to Kelly Sue's latest pregnancy. I don't feel like I'm missing out on much at all. Loneliness is often delicious. No one I think is in my tree and that is perfectly acceptable. I was deluded for several years, jumping through hoops of fire for various motherfuckers. No mas, hoss.

I celebrate trash. I celebrate the absurd. I celebrate the ridiculous. End transmission.


 

Thursday, August 20, 2026

RETARD PENIS is NOW aVaiLaBLe

 



David did the cover. I am responsible for the cover art. We worked long and hard on this one and decided to publish it today, Thursday, 20 August 2026. Leo season. Jesus will cry if you opt not to purchase this goddamn gorgeous collection of flash fiction and prose poetry.

Saturday, August 8, 2026

kurt cobain's suicide letter as edited by kathleen hanna



That's the title of my latest piece for RETARD PENIS, coming soon for the pathologically curious and terminally bored. Flash fiction, prose poetry, essays that would never make the cut and be published in Guernica or Sassy (RIP). It's a bloody DISASTER. Haters encouraged to purchase a copy at (where else) lulu dot fucking com. The world is hopping straight to hell like a delirious bunny and language is dead as dead as your daddy's dick. People will have no choice but to get over their petty prejudices and panties in a wad grievances. I pasted these words in a collage I made a billion years ago when I was a sexually frustrated virgin living small in rural Texas:

What's Your Problem Gripe or Guilt Trip?

There was probably a comma in there. I fucking loathe commas. 

There's such purity to obscurity. I embrace it like Dana Plato embraced Gary Coleman but only on set. Daddy was Mr. Drummond.
 

WORKING THE SAW



 

Thursday, August 6, 2026

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

$134.92



I just created this collage. It's available on various products at Redbubble. Buy the canvas print and hang it above your sofa. Your friends will be impressed.
 

Sunday, August 2, 2026

STRINGS


David is cracking that colonizer whip insisting that I take a break from making noiSe and shuffling tarot cards. WRITE, BITCH. WRITE!!! I am acquiescing. I am submitting. I have written two stories for our latest collaboration in progress, RETARD PENIS. Stay posted. Bye.

 

DATA CENTER SMOKE BREAK


The bugs are biting the sun is setting the dogs are barking the music is playing in Belize. Earlier there were tacos and I was ranting because I thought I had lost a track I was madly in love with. I just heard a gunshot. I'm safe here in bed with my Aries rapist. Inside joke. I no longer eat cereal but if I did my cereal of choice sure as fucking hell would not be FANS CORNFLAKES. Capital letters are still somehow important. Have you driven a FORD lately? Confident. Confident. Dry and secure. Raise your hand. Raise your hand if you're SURE. I have this memory of lying awake in my canopy bed in Goree, Texas in 1975 or 1976. The television in the den had been turned off for hours but I kept hearing the A&W Root Beer commercial over and over again. I thought I was losing my mind. I probably was. All these years later I remain obsessed with audio. Here is my latest track available for $1.50. Bye.

 

Friday, July 31, 2026

YOU HAVE BEEN REPORTED

 
"She's a hateful vengeful tarot card shuffling incense burning Satan loving witch," Cousin One said on her way to the nail salon. Paris beckons! So many photo ops for Instagram! Family reunion at Cracker Barrel tonight! Y'all be there! LOL!
 
Another gender reveal cupcake party. Get excited. Another baby shower. Get excited. Another wedding. Get excited. Black Friday at Target. Frozen margaritas with the girls in Las Vegas. Taylor Swift concert. Paul McCartney is still singing "Love Me Do"! Here's proof!
 
Splurge on a Versace handbag, bitch. Four thousand dollars never felt so GOOD. Jesus wants us to have the very best! Designer cowboy boots. Designer sofa. McMansion on the safe side of Dallas. See how good we look at Facebook? Jesus doesn't want you to be jealous. Jesus wants you to praise your neighbor for having a better house a better car a better family a better life. We pray the wildfires and tornadoes and floods away! We are FAVORED!
 
Google the outcast. Google the bitch who colors outside the lines. Google the bitch who chooses SELF over prescribed deity. Google the bitch who never found the prize easter egg in moo cow pasture.
 
53 years in the proudest reddest state. 53 years of judgment, gossip, JESUS SAVES JESUS SAVES, junk food, fast food, BULLSHIT RODEO, garage sales, asthma attacks, men drinking cheap beer swinging leather belts because Daddy Knows Best, women scribbling mindless sermons in Hallmark cards because Jesus Forgives Us All, another Baptist preacher droning on about abortion/guns/obeying the parents, respecting the elected leader who has raped women and children, filling houses with ceramic angels and various guns because that is what will save us from terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, immigrants, AI, witches, Satanists, poets, terrible weather.
 
 
 
 
 

 

Wednesday, July 29, 2026

MASTERED THE UNIVERSE

 
I put my sophomore effort together yesterday and when I woke up this morning David told me he put it up on Bandcamp. Happy fucking Full Moon in Aquarius! What the fuck are laurels and why would I rest on them? I don't get out much and I don't feel like sitting around working jigsaw puzzles, spying on random fuckerbutts, watching the latest trash on whatever. I don't have any pets. I don't have a monster truck or a golf cart. I spent 53 years of my life in the United States and have burned every bridge but one. So this is how I spend my time, creating noise and art and books like my ass is on fire. It kind of is. 

 

Saturday, July 25, 2026

SUPER CHERRY EXTRA xxx $9 xxx

 
Today I awoke from a weird dream that included Tommy Lee and Courtney Love to thrilling news from my best friend/lover/future & forever husband, David (Aries sun Gemini moon Capricorn rising Mars in Aquarius Mercury & Venus in Pisces). "Super Cherry Extra," my debut album, is available for $9 at Bandcamp. I made cassettes last year and tried to sell them at a poetry event in Toledo with less than optimal results. But that was Scorpio season. Never try to sell cassettes during Scorpio season. No, the way to go is selling your debut album in Leo season (the moon is in Sagittarius and Mercury is direct in Cancer) as a digital download. I already have enough material for three or four more albums but I'm thinking about going into an actual studio for the next album because damn it, I'm a rock star now. We will celebrate, David and I, by walking to our favorite grocery store on the south end of the island and buying cans of peas. 
 
Happy Sabado, goddamn it. Saturday is sponsored by Saturn, my favorite planet. It is well with my soul.  

 

Monday, July 13, 2026

JAGUAR CHOMPS CROCODILE

SLOBBER is a collaborative effort between a big dick Aries & me, an Aquarian born in Texas against her wishes in 1973.

Snatch it up, bitches/cocksuckers/motherfuckers. 
 

Sunday, July 12, 2026

GOOD RIDDANCE, PSYCHO PIG SCUM

Yeah, fuck Lindsey Graham. 
Beautiful synchronicity.
Just a couple of days ago I texted my son, "Death to Trump and his ilk."

One down.
Many more to go.
Burn every American flag to ashes.
Burn your goddamn Taylor Swift and Beyonce albums and every edition of the bible.

I have stomped the dirt of the USA from my cowboy boots.
Puke. Puke. Puke.
I'm sweating in Belize and have never felt stronger better more alive. Kiss every inch of my ass.

Why am I such an angry woman?
Well, shit. Not sure where to start.
I only learned about William Sascha Riley a few days ago, which prompted the text I sent my son.

I'm no longer interested in casting pearls before swine.
I'm putting my pearls in my books.
Here's the latest.
It's a collaborative poetry collection, the last in a trilogy.
The language is quite strong.

Zero fucking apologies.