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Wednesday, December 13, 2023
AGE RESTRICTIONS
I'm pretty sure FUCK is multipurpose.
FUCK does not discriminate.
FUCK can be lovely.
FUCK can be hateful.
My god. Who polices Sesame Street?
Meanwhile.
The breathing posing gesticulating
skeleton in too much makeup
that is Eugenia Cooney
continues to make that YouTube dollar.
Oh Holly Madison.
Brutalized by the monster that was
one Hugh Hefner but she continues
to gnaw the dry bone beyond the grave
and tell us more more more.
The Playboy Mansion butlers.
The Playboy Mansion slumber parties.
Oh girl. Whisper harder in our ears.
And get ready with me (Bailey) as I spill
the tea on Chris Watts.
Tell us all the dirt.
Let's listen to a mouth breathing idiot
kill his entire family
over and over again.
We love our murder in America.
Ted Bundy and chill.
Richard Ramirez and chill harder.
Manson still has groupies.
Waiting slobbering for the finally
released bitch's terribly deep memoir.
I Didn't Actually Kill Anyone and Anyway
I Was Young and Skinny and Pretty
and Fried on Acid.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Thank you, YouTube because.
How To Assemble an AR15.
The Lizard People Are Running Hollywood.
The Earth is FLAT and the moon is a HOLOGRAM.
Celebrities Never Really Kill Themselves
They Are Programmed By MK ULTRA
And Killed By Scientologist Overlords
Because They KNEW Too MUCH.
How To Lose Weight in 30 Days or LESS.
How To Get Fucked Without Really Trying.
How To Be The Perfect Woman.
How To Get The Perfect Man to Propose Marriage.
FIJI on a budget.
Live Off The Grid and BE FREE FOREVER.
How To Break a Soul Contract.
How To CUT CORDS.
How To HEX Haters.
School Shooter's Blood-Soaked Home Revealed.
Sandy Hook Was Staged.
Molly Carter Tells Us How To Find The Clitoris.
News you can use all the way to the broke ass grave.
Gracias. Gracias. Gracias.
I'm pretty sure FUCK YOU is all purpose
and organic and gluten free so eat some FUCK YOU
today and raise your vibration.
Be sure to hit that thumb and click
the bell for notifications.
You don't want to miss out
on this
Great Value.
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HAMMER
He came to me as he so often does
in another dream.
I was meditating in a park
willing him to come to me
and so he came to me
with a hammer.
Oh no. Nothing so dramatic
as what you might be thinking.
He wasn't going to bash my skull in.
That's too easy.
My favorite quote is by me.
Ax murderers are better than writers.
They only kill you once.
This man who comes to me in my dreams
is neither an ax murderer nor a writer.
I won't tell you what he is exactly
because it really isn't your business
and it doesn't matter
and you would not believe me.
No one believes me lately.
I'm a coarse lying ass crone from the North Texas sticks.
Hillbilly, he called me.
And a few other things.
He came to me with a hammer
and told me how it was going to be.
I owed him a certain amount
and it was time to finally collect
my rat chewed toys from his attic
and fuck all the way off.
He was building his tiny dream home
in the arts district with Miranda
and I was not invited
to the koi pond wedding.
Is it hard to maintain a koi pond?
Yes. Google tells us that ponds with koi carp
require more care than regular garden ponds.
The water must be kept clean and clear.
These special saturated fish need to be fed
on a regular basis and protected from
cats, birds, tourists.
Oh San Antonio.
You continue to fuck me.
It is good to be fucked at fifty.
I imagine Miranda is getting it
much better than I am.
She awakes to kisses, caresses,
big stiff curious cock
and eyes sparkling with adoration.
She's smart, Miranda, and oh so adept.
Excellent at yoga and organic casseroles
and all things Pinterest.
Her teeth are large and white.
Tits? Ass? Yes. She has those.
And a warm and welcoming vagina.
But there is only one visitor.
My favorite ex, the man
with the hammer.
I know for a fact
there will be
cupcakes.
TINSEL
God is dead and so is Santa Claus and Winnie the Pooh.
Marilyn Monroe was a figment of a drunk frat boy's imagination.
There never was a Hollywood and the California you heard about
in all those Beach Boys songs is a postcard with all four corners chewed off.
The current bid is 65 cents at eBay.
It's cute it's quaint how people plan their funerals.
I'll be buried in white with red lipstick (make it M.A.C. Ruby Woo)
because I'm a goddamn candy cane.
The playlist will include
"I'm a Believer"
"Chinese Rock"
"Killer Queen"
"Kawliga"
"Dazed and Confused"
Damn. She was so complex.
All these fuckers who barely tried
nibbling on cornbread and some kind
of dollar store cake.
I hope the filling is sweeter than I ever was.
Bitch, I'll be gone.
I already am.
Quite.
I specialize in smoke signals and dumb riddles
that go exactly nowhere.
Like all those songs on "Odelay" and "Daydream Nation"
but nowhere near as cool.
No no no baby doll.
Not nearly that fucking cool.