Friday, May 26, 2017

TIP JAR

POST STREET


FUCKERBUTT HAPPY TIME


SNAIL MAIL TO SANTA


HULK PEZ ELVIS


SAN ANTONIO SALE


B E S O S


WALKING THE EARTH


SANGRE


SAN ANTONIO BARBECUE


$1,958

WHEN PAPI DOESN'T ANSWER


SUGARED MUERTE


CANDY COLORED MUERTE


PUSSY WOMEN GARGOYLE


ONCE UPON SOME KIND OF FLOWER


CORDIALLY FASCINATED


YOUR NEXT MUJER


OH MY STARS

FUCK YOUR COUCH


PATRIOTIC BARBECUE


SUGAR SUGAR


SUNSETS SLAY ME


Balcones Heights Phone Call


Eagle Pass Room Service


ALEXA...donde esta my ASS?!


MEMORIAL DAY CUPCAKES


FIESTA HERMOSA


BESOS FOR SALE


PANTIES FOR SALE


MANUKA HONEY


RAW BALLS RECIPE


MAKING MONEY WHILE MASTURBATING


EXCITING EASTER EGG


COUPLE SUED OVER EMOJI


BAD AT HANDSHAKES


INSTAGRAM ES NO BUENO


BEER PIPELINE


Thursday, May 25, 2017

no use in trying to deal with the dying

p.s. hallelujah

last night i made my son
chicken parmesan
and taught him about
jeff buckley and chaka khan
so i don't think anyone
has any valid reason
to curse me
and my kin
to hell

another automatic writing experiment

cougar sally bologna derelict
spam broken tired george michael
jose cuervo misti go to bed
misti get a job
misti show the fuck up
and do the fucking work
misti wake up
you are playing
with time
you are dying slow
go grab it
with both hands
and make
the motherfucker bounce
remember the letter I sent you
from prison
you were a teenager
hiding in your room
with the JcPenney's comforter
and Rhett and Scarlett on the wall
and Jessica Wakefield and Rapunzel on the shelves
and you had just started bleeding
and you wondered what it felt like
to be kissed by a man
and you dreamed
and you wished
and you ached
and you danced around to Beatles songs
and you mourned John Lennon
and I sent you a letter from prison
drew you wearing a crown of stars
and Misti
damn it
be that woman
be the woman
with stars in her hair
and open the door
and walk outside
you know there is nothing to lose
no one better than you
Ramona Ramona
all the guides
all the gods
all the lights
you've glimpsed heaven
while walking the dirt roads of Texas
remember that night
you stood outside the chapel filled with candles
and you cried and said
It's The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Saw
and the typewritten letter from your first Scorpio friend
and you found it
after you found out
she had died
racing home past curfew
you've lived Texas
you've survived Texas
you've written Texas
you are not
to be fucked with
you are finally
fierce with reality
so fucking use it
already

CRYPTIC VALENTINE

Look. Mira. I know I made things easy for you.
And then things got hard and you had to disconnect
because that is how you roll.
You want easy.
You need easy.
You crave easy.
You are an average ass American male.
You are basic you are beneath me but my brain
is still tangled up in the bluest truest knots
and this means I dream of you often
and this means when I talk to myself
I'm talking to God
I'm talking to you
and I'm ready to put a gun in my mouth
just to shut myself up.
Oh this won't happen.
I'm the suicide tease.
Crying wolf since approximately 1999.
I'll never be as good as Acker.
I'll never be as good as Stein.
Pero. I endeavor.
I'm muddy and bloody with starriest try.
Here's toasting the mud in your eye, kid.
You'll never see me the way I need to be seen.
"When you're fucking me it's just mouth, tits, pussy."
I'm paraphrasing something I told you when we began.
"Well what else is there?" (you asked.)
Nada.
There is nothing else.
Mouth.
Tits.
Pussy.
The easy call.
The easy haul.
All of heaven condensed to one willing female body.
What we had is more complicated and ugly
and beautiful and ridiculous and sacred
than any Valentine could comprehend.
Why you.
Why me.
Why us.
Because yes.
Because willing.
Because one more tequila
and I'll go there.
Wherever you are.
Down.
Down.
Venus in Aquarius town.
Yours. Mine.
Our ace in the hole.
The whole deck smirks its stack.
I'm the fool. I'm the joker.
But let's pretend for the length
of a classic rock song
that I am the queen
and you know that bitch
means business.
Which queen.
Any queen except the queen of hearts.
That joke has been done
to death.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

ACTUAL SPAM TEXT

misti how are you
executing currently?
Excellent fresh that the I
implore you to Check in
excess of San Antonio
http://gysnqu.tf/ELb8JA

SPAM LOVE

Dear Roxi Xmas,

You are SCUM! You fucking SUCK! Don't even think
about calling me again! I won't answer! Warning:
stay away from me and my family or I WILL SEE
YOU IN COURT! That isn't a threat. That is a PROMISE.

Fuck. You. Hard.

B.J. Poblano

GO VIRAL DAMN YOU

NOT A LOT OF MONEY


TERRIBLE CONNECTION


C O O L I O


SANGRE


i am ice cream


ONCE THERE WAS THIS SHARK


KING KONG ANGRY! HUNGRY!


SPONSORED BY BUSCH


ONE CAN OF SPAM


QUEEN VELVET


BEAUTIFUL PUSSY

CHOCOLATE SYRUP ADDICTION


AQUARIAN BIRTHDAY CAKE


SHINIEST SHOES IN THE 210


I SAID BARB THAT WIRE


BARB THAT WIRE BABY