ROCK THE VOTE

I'm so discombobulated at this point I don't know if I'm in Iowa or South Carolina. I'm definitely in San Antonio, Texas. Do I have a penis or a vagina? I have a vagina. Do I want gays to get married? Someone has to get married. Might as well be LGBT motherfuckers. I'm a weird flavored motherfucker. I don't know who or what I am. Okay, I love men to a distraction. I am consumed with dick. All the dick I want and will never possess. I live vicariously through my men because I am a voyeur. "Did you fuck her? Do you want to fuck her? Isn't she hot? What do you think of her tits?" I have a vagina. I have an ass. I have tits. I'm a woman. I don't watch porn. I have watched porn. I love me some Evan Stone. It isn't about his dick although he certainly has one. I love his face. I love his brain. I love the coffee porn he posts at Facebook. I've been married and divorced twice. I take my food seriously. I've lived with four different men. Do I think people should be able to own guns? No. If people stop buying guns people will stop making guns and if you want to kill someone you will have to use a knife or an ax or a chainsaw or a brick or a car or a tractor or a weasel or JIF extra crunchy. There are too many guns in America. There should be more rainbow weddings, less guns. The two issues are not related but everything is connected. Pee Wee Herman taught me how to connect the dots. I scribbled notes and turned them into a temporary tattoo on my left ass cheek. There should be more BOOKS. More consensual sex. More joyous sex. This IS the love crowd, right? I'm not sure I can trust a woman who stays married to a man who fucks everyone but her. I know I can't trust a man with hair like that. The truth is...I hide from the census people because I know I don't count. You should see all my Dollar Tree receipts. I think I have $22 on my Capital One. I have $40 in Chase and a $56 T-Mobile bill is due. I wanted to vote for Nico LaHood but I was hungover and my voter's registration card arrived in the mail a few months late. I'm not here. I'm still stuck in 1967. I was born in 1973. Don't eat Ding Dongs. Ding Dongs are terrible for you.