Monday, October 12, 2026

TAROT NADA


People have all kinds of idiotic ideas about tarot. Tarot is EVIL. Tarot is SATANIC. If you consult a deck of tarot cards JESUS will CRY. I call bullshit. But. On the flip side there are people who believe tarot is some kind of magical tool that will save your fucking life. I think people give entirely too much power to something that is, in the 21st century, mass produced and available at the website that owns the planet (as well as ETSY where baby witches go to die). The Ouija board never scared me, either. I'd go to slumber parties when I was a kid in Wichita Falls, Texas where there was always at least one little bitch who would burst into tears whenever the Ouija board was brought out.

My favorite quote of all time is attributed to Gertrude Stein and is available on pillows and coffee mugs at Redbubble.

There ain't no answer.
There ain't gonna be any answer.
There never has been an answer.
That's the answer.

All that being said, I've made a decent amount of money with tarot cards since 2019. I have two monetized YouTube channels and a roster of clients. A few days ago a subscriber asked about a deck I created a few years ago. I'd deleted the design and all others from my storefront. Well, the subscriber inspired me to create a new deck. Here it is. Tarot Nada. Gertrude Stein (Aquarian) is the Queen of Swords.

 

Sunday, October 11, 2026

THROW A PILLOW




The word on the street is that Jesus saves so you don't have to.


Yesterday I did something I had not done in a very long time. I created a tarot deck. It will be available for sale once The Powers That Be approve my deck, which I created using Canva Pro. I'm a professional. I wake up, eat JIF extra crunchy from the jar with a ripe banana, drink black coffee and get to work. The wheel of fortune does not play favorites but Saturn does. I've got gold stars across my little chart.

 

Thursday, October 8, 2026

PERSONALIZED PET PHOTO PILLOW


This personalized pet photo bullshit is pissing me off beyond all reason. ENOUGH.
This has inspired me to write my next piece for Retarded Beyond Redemption, my latest collaboration with the Aries who dicks me down on a regular basis.

For some reason known only by God the above photo brings this song to mind. I guess it's actually a pretty obvious association. Unless you're retarded beyond redemption. But if you want to be a millionaire by Halloween you should be listening to this. BYE.

 

RETARD DOGGO


Nothing disgusts me more than retard hyper consumerism. Hey, if you want to spend thousands of dollars on some kind of special retard pet and name him Buck or Tiger or Taylor or Aladdin, knock yourself out. But DO YOU REALLY NEED a ceramic replica of your goddamn special angel? Rhetorical question. To each her own lollipop. I'm over here judging and mocking your choices.

 

aRe YOU ReaDY foR RETARD PENIS?




Yes, boo. RETARD PENIS is ready for YOU.
Are you weary of the usual shit being churned out by Random Penguin and POETS R US? Then you are in for quite the treat.


BLuRB from maNKaTo, resident iguana:

I shit all over these pages. Trees were killed for THIS???