WIN SOMETHING EXCITING

 what i eat in a day

get ready with me

fuckerbutt happy time

clown gravy

super cherry extra

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sniff my pages

MANIFESTO

It's a manifesto without words. There's a brief introduction but the rest of the book is comprised of my bleeding insanely saturated full color trash artwork. I published a similar book with the same title years ago (before Covid & the accelerating decline of the USA) but it was no bueno. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. So here's this new improved version, a record of my manic DIY aesthetic. 

Perfection is a lie but I've got Virgo rising, Mars in Capricorn and a tenth house Saturn and David has Capricorn rising and Saturn in Capricorn. We endeavor. I presented David with the files then got the hell out of his way. He worked his magic and I am so grateful. 

Buy it, bitches. Gracias.

 

FIND A BETTER COUNTRY

Back in the glorious MySpace days of 2008 I remember a cousin's husband at the time (she's on marriage #3...common in Texas) had this pithy quote on his page: 

"This is AMERICA. If you don't like it you can LEAVE."

I took umbrage. He lived in a brand-new brick house (thanks to his wealthy grandfather) and I was living on WIC and food stamps in a tiny trashy rent house I called The Crack Whore Shack in Nederland, Texas with my infant son and his father, my second husband. I remember thinking, "I would LEAVE if I COULD. Asshole."

I don't like The United States of America, the country of my birth. I don't like Texas, the state of my birth. I finally left at the age of 53. I live on this island in the Caribbean. I've been here with my fiance (David) since May. We still haven't been to Secret Beach but we aren't really beach people. We don't drink. We don't get stoned. We're boring as hell with our weights and resistance bands and yoga mat. We write books and fuck each other and take pictures of palm trees and iguanas and the moon.

There's no Walmart or McDonald's or Taco Bell or Ross Dress For Less on this island. How do I cope? Oh, the usual...eating JIF Extra Crunchy from the jar, watching "Cheaters" in bed with my man, reading the PDF of his novel until I sob.

I am not Taylor Swift. Jesus wept. Selah.

p.S. in a recent dream I purchased a FIFTH AVENUE candy bar, something I haven't done in many moons

 

YOU HAVE BEEN REPORTED

 

 

"She's a hateful vengeful tarot card shuffling incense burning Satan loving witch," Cousin One said on her way to the nail salon. Paris beckons! So many photo ops for Instagram! Family reunion at Cracker Barrel tonight! Y'all be there! LOL!

 

Another gender reveal cupcake party. Get excited. Another baby shower. Get excited. Another wedding. Get excited. Black Friday at Target. Frozen margaritas with the girls in Las Vegas. Taylor Swift concert. Paul McCartney is still singing "Love Me Do"! Here's proof!

 

Splurge on a Versace handbag, bitch. Four thousand dollars never felt so GOOD. Jesus wants us to have the very best! Designer cowboy boots. Designer sofa. McMansion on the safe side of Dallas. See how good we look at Facebook? Jesus doesn't want you to be jealous. Jesus wants you to praise your neighbor for having a better house a better car a better family a better life. We pray the wildfires and tornadoes and floods away! We are FAVORED!

 

Google the outcast. Google the bitch who colors outside the lines. Google the bitch who chooses SELF over prescribed deity. Google the bitch who never found the prize easter egg in moo cow pasture.

 

53 years in the proudest reddest state. 53 years of judgment, gossip, JESUS SAVES JESUS SAVES, junk food, fast food, BULLSHIT RODEO, garage sales, asthma attacks, men drinking cheap beer swinging leather belts because Daddy Knows Best, women scribbling mindless sermons in Hallmark cards because Jesus Forgives Us All, another Baptist preacher droning on about abortion/guns/obeying the parents, respecting the elected leader who has raped women and children, filling houses with ceramic angels and various guns because that is what will save us from terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, immigrants, AI, witches, Satanists, poets, terrible weather.

 

As For Me & My House We Will Serve The Lord

 

LIVE LAUGH LOVE LIE

 

Bless Her Heart

 

We Speak ENGLISH HERE

 

written by Misti Velvet Rainwater on Friday 31 July 2026 

 

BUILD A BRAND

 

 

coconuts 

 

bananas 

 cherries

LIMES 

JAGUAR CHOMPS CROCODILE

SLOBBER is a collaborative effort between a big dick Aries & me, an Aquarian born in Texas against her wishes in 1973.

Snatch it up, bitches/cocksuckers/motherfuckers. 
 

DEEP JUNGLE BABY

 angel bubbles etcetera

no church will have us

sunday morning so alive so glad

 

noiSe suRPLuS

######### noiSe #########

 

SEVENTEENTH

seventeenth

 

every garment tells a story

zZz 1331 zZz

 

YOU COME HERE OFTEN

xxx oRiGiNaL TaSTe xxx

 

wash beige lace bra by hand

Here is the essential information. 
De nada, pilgrim. De nada.

 

Just Trying To Buy A Goddamn Apple