SOLUTIONS

Douse yourself with peppermint oil.
Wasps won't sting you.
Deactivate your Facebook account.
People will fuck with you but not as often.
Tweet your ass.
You will get a million followers, a book deal,
a McMansion, a soul mate and most importantly
Kylie Jenner will be your BFF.
Learn how to suck dick.
You have to do something with your mouth
when you aren't eating because you want to rock
that Wal-Mart bikini.
Join a boxing gym.
They will laugh at you and the next thing you know
you'll be Sissy Spacek standing onstage covered
in pig's blood.
We're all gonna fucking die.
That shit is carved in stone.
Meanwhile.
Open mics.
Fucked up fast food orders.
Traffic.
Bad television, worse politicians.
Get on a plane to Bora Bora.
No problems.
The ocean will rock your baby butt
to sleep.