"She's a hateful vengeful tarot card shuffling incense burning Satan loving witch," Cousin One said on her way to the nail salon. Paris beckons! So many photo ops for Instagram! Family reunion at Cracker Barrel tonight! Y'all be there! LOL!
Another gender reveal cupcake party. Get excited. Another baby shower. Get excited. Another wedding. Get excited. Black Friday at Target. Frozen margaritas with the girls in Las Vegas. Taylor Swift concert. Paul McCartney is still singing "Love Me Do"! Here's proof!
Splurge on a Versace handbag, bitch. Four thousand dollars never felt so GOOD. Jesus wants us to have the very best! Designer cowboy boots. Designer sofa. McMansion on the safe side of Dallas. See how good we look at Facebook? Jesus doesn't want you to be jealous. Jesus wants you to praise your neighbor for having a better house a better car a better family a better life. We pray the wildfires and tornadoes and floods away! We are FAVORED!
Google the outcast. Google the bitch who colors outside the lines. Google the bitch who chooses SELF over prescribed deity. Google the bitch who never found the prize easter egg in moo cow pasture.
53 years in the proudest reddest state. 53 years of judgment, gossip, JESUS SAVES JESUS SAVES, junk food, fast food, BULLSHIT RODEO, garage sales, asthma attacks, men drinking cheap beer swinging leather belts because Daddy Knows Best, women scribbling mindless sermons in Hallmark cards because Jesus Forgives Us All, another Baptist preacher droning on about abortion/guns/obeying the parents, respecting the elected leader who has raped women and children, filling houses with ceramic angels and various guns because that is what will save us from terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, immigrants, AI, witches, Satanists, poets, terrible weather.
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