MAGIC REALISM SET IN ALBUQUERQUE

"Once again, Nova was constipated." So begins my first novel. Nova's Gone Potty is not the first novel I ever wrote. I wrote a novel in 1996 while pregnant with my daughter. I wrote my first novel in a spiral notebook. I do not recall the title or the characters or the plot or any other damn thing. "You're a writer. You should remember every damn thing." Please. My brain is Swiss cheese. I have no idea what the word count was because I didn't count the damn words. I just wrote them down with a black or blue pen (probably black). I finished writing the novel shortly after giving birth to my daughter. To celebrate I drank a bottle of wine then threw the novel in a Dumpster somewhere in Midland, Texas.

So if you want to interview me and ask me about my first novel I will say,"Nova's Gone Potty was my first novel. I'm damn proud of it. As far as I know I am the only person on the planet who has ever written a novel featuring a toilet that speaks in Ozzy Osbourne's voice."

The Nova character is much like me. She struggles with constipation and social anxiety. She ain't too cool. She's just your average fucktard. But people who have read the novel tend to fall in love with Nova. One person who read the novel fell in love with Sage, Nova's friend and the drummer in Nova's band, Mr. Customer. Sage is who I imagine myself to be on my better days or when I am drunk off my ass but not so drunk that I am crying and scaring a vice cop.

I have to haul ass to the park and ride now. The moon is in Libra and I'll celebrate by finishing my oil painting of two criss-crossed lollipops.